Tuesday, 7 March 2017


Womanhood is bigger than Feminism


It is that time of the year, when we all celebrate the International Women’s day, exchange greetings, enjoy the offers out on the market and feel good about being a woman. We also lament about how much more needs to be done and distance that needs to be covered and that is a good reminder to have as we celebrate being a woman.
One pattern that I have noticed in most writings, messages and chatter on the “International Women’s day” is the seeming similarities drawn between Feminism and celebrating Womanhood. While Feminism started as a response towards unjust repression of women across the globe, over the years the dominant or popular version of Feminism, in urban side, has been about artificial equivalence with men combined with a rebellious streak.

So, all the good stuff is about how women are more of equals, entering all male bastions like Army, and politics, and sports and so on. When we talk of all the not so good stuff, there is also this undercurrent about women being much more than a homemaker, a sister, a mother and a wife. It is as if the traditional roles are basic hygiene, not deserving of the respect and all the respect comes only when you go beyond the traditional roles which a woman does.

That seems to be a trend now which is disturbing, dangerous and at variance not just with basic nature of what being a woman is but also with the overall configuration of how nature works.

If God (or Nature if you are an atheist) wanted only one sex he could have created only male or only female species. So, Nature has created and sustained the difference in gender for a specific reason.
A man is endowed with certain qualities, is wired in a certain way and fulfills certain responsibilities. A woman is endowed with certain qualities, is wired in a different way, and has natural responsibilities for different kind.

We must embrace the natural role of what being a woman, being a mother, being a sister means and feel proud about it. Of course, there are women who go beyond this, who push envelopes and boundaries when they excel at work, when they excel at social causes, and so on and is an icing on the cake. The vast majority of women are busy coping with life, with what life throws at them, and navigating the difficult but gratifying journey of being a woman in a way that all the responsibilities are fulfilled the way they should be.

An insistence on women fighting for equality with Men in trying to do everything that a man can do is sometimes artificial, especially when it is not natural and is done only to prove a point and while ignoring the women’s responsibilities.

The feminists always celebrate well to do women who are doing good at workplace but a large majority of women who are from blue collar class globally, in villages, are women who play all the roles that they are supposed to play and share a huge burden of earning for their families. They go unsung as their stories are not glamorous enough for newspaper pages.
In some cases, they are the sole breadwinners. It is interesting that I have rarely seen feminists extoll the case of such women but it is always about the well-healed, well educated women who have had all the privileges and access to education, and who have managed to break boundaries at work place who find mention and all the applause.

The women who work at labor level are as much or probably more of women than the feminists who reduce essence of womanhood to feminism.
When we take those roles for granted, and celebrate only certain aspects like feminists do, and subtly brush aside the important roles they are playing, we are doing a huge injustice to them, and to ourselves and to the society.

A version of feminism which demands that men take more role in bringing up children, that women get equal share in opportunities and demands an equivalence in every aspect ignores the fact that women is designed to play a critical role as a mother which men cannot replicate.
As we celebrate the feminists (who are in minority) and create a discourse which looks down upon “only mothers, only wives, only this and only that” we are doing a huge disservice and inhibiting the emotional energies of all the women which if unleashed can be a strong positive force.

The globalized and interconnected world is increasingly getting more complex with the sheer noise of information and opinions. This noise is confusing men and women alike on what is the right thing to do, and to be and what is the “cool” thing to do.

How each woman goes about her journey of womanhood, how she finds peace and fulfillment is her choice. It is never easy and while she is capable of giving a lot, she needs all the support that she can from her loved ones and society. Let us remember that Women’s Day is a celebration of being a woman which is a gift, a privilege, and a responsibility and not confuse this with subset movements and jargon as feminism.

Thursday, 15 December 2016

"Don't Worry, Be Happy" ...when breastfeeding!


I am a mother of two wonderful daughters who were cheerful, bright and happy go lucky kids, when they were growing up. Every mother wants her child to be happy and healthy, all the time.
As I ponder over my experience, and learn from those of other mothers that I talk to, I felt that one of the other important factors which can really make a difference here is the mother being in a relaxed, positive mood when breastfeeding her baby.
 You must have heard the famous song “Don’t worry be happy” from Bobby McFerrin which was #1 for quite a while and continues to be popular even today. It is based on the famous quote by an Indian spiritual master, Avatar Meher Baba.

I know it is easy to say, and harder to do. When you are a mom of a new born, coping with motherhood, with irregular schedules, with multiple stresses, it is almost impossible to practice this throughout the day. 
So, I want to add a small correction to this quote and change it to say – “Don’t worry be happy – when you are feeding!”.
It is important for all mothers to practice this for those 15-20 minutes when you are breastfeeding your baby.

In all cultures and communities, it is an accepted belief (and proven scientifically) that pregnant women should take care to be in a happy and peaceful mood and have positive thoughts as it will affect the babies in womb. The story of Abhimanyu and Arjun, where Abhimanyu learnt the art of entering the Chakravyuh is well known, as is the story of Ashtavakra.
In the early months of motherhood, babies are exclusively on breastfeed. So the emotional and mental state of mother at the time of feeding affects the milk (both its quality and quantity) and consequently the health (both physical and emotional wellbeing) of the baby. 
If fetus, whose senses are not fully developed, can get affected so much when within the womb, it is no surprise that health and moods of an infant will be affected by mother’s milk. 
An unhappy and depressed mood of the mother can affect the quality, quantity of milk and the time spent on breastfeeding. This is an ongoing subject of research in many medical schools world over.
Ayurveda too stresses the importance of being happy while breastfeeding in its texts.

From my personal experience, experience of talking to hundreds of Sangopan mothers and all the mothers that I have known, I truly believe that a happy and relaxed state of mind is very important during breastfeeding. 
I have known several mothers who were stressed up more than usual (for various reasons) in their early days. Many of them had cranky and irritable babies while growing up. 
I have also seen mothers who kept a happy mood during feeding had healthy and happy babies. 
It is easier said than done because motherhood in early days per se is stressful and overwhelming, but if we consciously try to relax in those moments it is worth it.
For e.g., everyone stresses importance of foreplay, environment and mood setting for love making, and a stressful behavior can affect negatively on lovemaking and overall relationship between a couple, and we know couples take pains to take care that they set the right mood. 
This is no less important.   
Motherhood is about sculpting a whole new person. A mother, with a little bit of effort and consciousness, can ensure a relaxed feeding time.
This will go a long way to ensure a strong bond between the mother and baby and help raise a confident, happy and a healthy baby.

Here are some things you can do which will help towards making a happy feeding time-
  1. Try to be alone with the baby while breastfeeding.
  2.  Keep the things like diapers, wipes etc. required for the baby handy.
  3.  Keep a bottle of water or juice and take a few sips in between.
  4.  Listen to soft and soothing music of your liking.
  5.  See some old photos and revive your old memories, anything which will bring smile to your face.
  6.  Once in a while, reach out to people whom you like talking to. A heartfelt conversation with a well wisher can do wonders to your spirits.
  7.  Talk to your baby and tell him/her to have as much as he/she wants.
  8.  It may sound odd, but at times you could just spruce yourself up a little before the feeding time. You could even put on a light makeup, just a lipstick or a kajal, anything that makes you look and feel fresh and happy.
Here are some things that you could avoid-
  1.  Avoid getting into a verbal fight or argument with anyone in the house just before and during feeding time.
  2.  Do not watch any unpleasant shows on TV during breastfeed.
  3.  Lot of mothers get really worked up thinking that they are not lactating enough. There are ways to address this. Getting stressed up about it only makes the problem worse.
  4.  Avoid exposure or reading of any unpleasant content which can lead to more stress (office emails, social media content etc.)
So next time you are getting ready to feed the baby, remember this – Don’t worry, Be Happy!



Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Hello there

Yes, I know I have been off and on as far as this blog is concerned.

My last post was in July'15 and I promised myself that I will be regular :(.

While I have been busy with the Sangopan blogs which deal with day to day issues which mothers face, like lactation, baby food, and other health related issues, I want to devote this space to a more broader and wider range of topics.

So as 2016 draws to a close, here is another beginning on this blog site for more variety and different set of views.

Thursday, 30 July 2015

I am back...:)

When I wrote my last post, I did not realise that it would be more than 2 years before I write the next post. Work and life has been hectic and time seems to have just flown by.

It has been a great journey at Sangopan. More than 1000 mothers and infants have gained from our services and we feel blessed to have been part of the joyous experience of motherhood for all these mothers.

I truly believe that motherhood is divine gift and our work is a way of contributing to this divine duty, and I thank God for his ever present grace in this journey of ours.

We are growing and set to expand beyond Bangalore. . In the last two years, I have spoken to hundreds of mothers, heard their stories, learnt from them and shared my experiences which helped them too. I have a lot more to share now :).

Stay tuned for further posts on the joyous journey of motherhood.




Sunday, 26 May 2013

Motherhood is truly joyous and a blessing but.....

Once you become a mother, your life changes. Nothing prepares you for the challenges it brings forth. Enough has been written and will be written about the joyous experience and the good fortune and blessings associated with being a mother. However, once you have become a mother, the lofty picture  slowly recedes in background and the reality hits home soon. You move from being a member of a family to being responsible for one human life, being someone whom the new being is completely dependent upon for everything.
You then realize that motherhood is about more things than having a bundle of joy in your family.  It is also about
No “my time” You can forget planning and saying, “I will…”. You no longer have control of your time or luxury of planning your movements. You are completely dependent on what the baby wants and demands. You thought motherhood was about taking care of a new life, but didn’t know it meant loosing your own independence so completely!
Your sleep pattern -  What you always took for granted, a sound sleep for 7- 9 hours becomes a luxury. You sleep when you are allowed, not when you want, and that is a pain!
Aches and Pains – They seem to be all over your body. Head, neck, back, legs, thighs, waist, you name the area and you are aching. It is now a month since you delivered but it still does not go away.
Feeding your baby regularly – Breastfeeding is tricky. It may take time to figure out how to do it in right way, and it can get tiresome. If there are issues with the lactation, it can lead to several complications.
When can I get my figure back? – You may not have been the “perfect 10” but you had a nice figure which your friends (and others ) admired. Now you can’t bear to look yourselves in the mirror and have no clue how you are going to go back to your earlier self.
When do I get back to work   You were a working woman with a good career and a great income. You miss your work, you miss your office friends and your identity as a career woman. You were sure you could manage both when you thought about this. Now you want to know how  to do this and can’t seem to get all the pieces together.
I can’t eat whatever I want -  You loved food. And ate what you wanted, when you wanted. Now you have to think of the baby feeding everytime you have something, and you can’t go out anytime and get what you wanted, and you hate that!
In my experience as a mother of two wonderful daughters, and experience of working with 250+ customers of Sangopan, I have enriching understanding of the not-so-joyous parts of your schedule if you are a new mother. I have listed some of them above as I know them, and there might be many more.
Watch this space for my successive blogs on each of these as I write one blog covering each of the above topics in coming weeks, though not necessarily in that order.
Thanks for reading this and would love to have your comments.
                        

Sunday, 7 April 2013

Sangopan blog......getting started

The idea of blogging has been on my mind for quite some time now, and has got stronger in the last two years since I started sangopan.
The sangopan journey has been a great ride so far and it continues to be fulfilling and rewarding in ways more than one. This blog is an attempt to share my thoughts, ideas and experiences about the joy of motherhood with all the mothers (and fathers too) out there. It is about what I am learning every day as we at Sangopan help mothers enjoy their motherhood and experience the richness and completeness this brings to all mothers.

In our journey of more than 2 years since we started Sangopan, we have served over 230 customers.
The experience of serving each customer and the knowledge and learnings we gathered from each experience has helped us grow,and helped us to become better every day at the services we deliver.

While the services are available today only in Bangalore, the ideas, suggestions and views can be shared with all the mothers the world over via this blog.

I look forward to your comments and views and make this beneficial for all of us to become better mothers.